Recognition Isn’t Enough — Love Needs Boundaries Too

Even when someone cares deeply. Even when they show up in their own way. Even when they love you the best they can.

That still might not be enough.

Not because they’re bad. Not because they don’t mean it. But because effort without awareness still leaves room for pain.

You can recognize someone’s emotional capacity — and still feel chronically unsupported. You can understand their limitations — and still feel like you're drowning in unmet needs.

And here’s where we get stuck: We think that empathy should cancel out our exhaustion. We think that understanding should be the end of the conversation.

But it isn’t.

Recognition is not resolution.

It might explain their behavior. But it doesn’t soothe your burnout. It might open the door to patience. But it doesn’t build the structure you need to feel emotionally safe.

That’s where boundaries come in. Not as punishment, not as control. But as a way to protect your core standards.

What are core standards? They're the emotional minimums you need in order to function fully. To feel seen. To stay connected to your self-worth while being in connection with others.

Boundaries aren’t just about what you won’t tolerate. They’re also about what you require.

And when someone, even someone well-intentioned, can’t meet you there—you have a choice: Shrink your needs until you're unrecognizable to yourself Or speak your limits, and protect your space to heal

If you're constantly excusing someone’s lack of presence because "they're doing their best," pause. Ask: Is their best still hurting me?

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do — for them and for you — is to step back. If you can’t step back from the person, step back from pouring all your energy into the gap they keep leaving. Redirect it toward people, practices, and habits that refill you, so you’re no longer dependent on someone who keeps showing you their limits.

Because love without boundaries isn’t compassion. It’s self-erasure. And you were never meant to disappear just to keep someone else comfortable.

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