Back to Square One (Again): The Mental Weight of Starting Over with Food

At the beginning of May 2025, I posted my very first Instagram post — a quiet declaration of something new. It featured a simple, tasty salad I’d made for lunch. It was fresh, satisfying, and I remember thinking: If something this simple can feel this good… why can’t I control what I eat and how much of it?

That post was a fresh start. In my mind, it marked a full-circle upgrade — mental health, physical health, better habits, more peace, more purpose, my blog… my life.

Naturally, that included starting (yet another) healthy eating journey. I had a doable meal plan, a light workout routine, and a wave of motivation. I wasn’t just a work-from-home mom — as the world so often flattens that title. I was rebuilding myself into a successful woman. For a few weeks, I was really doing it.

The shift was slow: a little extra here, a little indulgence there… and once that line was crossed, the familiar thought crept in — “I’ll just keep going today and restart fresh tomorrow.”

That thought has visited me more times than I can count.

What I didn’t account for in my perfect “plan” was the stress. The hours I spent building my blog, refining visuals, juggling family, work, and a thousand tabs open in my head. I gained peace of mind through creative momentum — and lost it in my eating patterns. Again.

The truth is, I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with food. And more recently, I’ve struggled with binge eating.

Not because of hunger.

Not because of lack of knowledge.

But because of that unbearable, mind-blowing rage that builds up inside — the kind that demands relief through the hand-to-mouth reflex, the chewing, the tasting… trying to feel something else.

I’ve started over a thousand times. And still, nothing has ever stuck.

So here I am. Back to square one.

But this time, I’m doing something different.

I’m making a checklist — not a perfect one. A real one. Just a few daily actions to help me stay grounded, protect my energy, and return to myself.

It won’t be magic. But maybe — just maybe — the urge to follow that list will grow stronger than the urge to chew through the chaos.

*Checklist

I promised I’d share it — and here it is: Download the checklist here →

Stay gentle with yourself — back to square one doesn’t mean back to nothing.

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