Before You Choose Yourself, Meet Yourself

There was a time, in my younger years, when I didn’t belong.

I became too flexible and lost my true self.

And I started to feel unaccepted and lost in this “made-up me” —

a version built from pieces that weren’t my own.

Then, I couldn’t describe what I’m describing now.

I just drifted off. That feeling kept growing, kept sinking.

Sunken core — delusional shell.

I struggled with depression.

The kind that makes you want to end it.

Because you don’t know what else to do with that kind of pain.

The only thought that kept me here was this:

If I leave, I’ll destroy them too.

My parents. My brother. They would find me.

And I couldn’t bear the thought of that weight landing on them.

So I stayed.

Not for me. For them.

My mom used to ask how she could help.

But there was nothing to say — the emptiness didn’t come with words.

It was just... there.

Heavy. Painful. Soulless. Unexplainable.

So she did the only thing she could do:

She lay next to me with her arm around me. Quiet. Present.

She stayed until I could stand up again.

And I’m writing this now because that’s what knowing yourself protects you from.

When you don’t know who you are, it’s easy to feel lost.

Easy to confuse your worth with how needed you are.

Easy to forget how to care for yourself — or why it’s worth trying.

But when you begin to recognize yourself,

you start to understand how to hold yourself in the dark.

You learn how to set boundaries — not to be tough, but to stay alive.

You stop trying to be everything for everyone.

You start being real — with yourself.

So here we are, at the viral phrase:

“Choose Yourself.”

It can be powerful.

But only if you know who you are.

Because when you’ve had time — real time — to sit with yourself...To reflect. To feel. To heal...

“Choose yourself” becomes an anchor.

It means:

• You understand your rhythms, even when they don’t match others.

• You know your likes, your limits, your boundaries — and you trust them.

• You’ve chosen the people in your life on purpose — not out of loneliness.

• You say no without guilt, because your yes actually means something.

  
  

When that’s the case, choosing yourself is protective. Healing. Rooted.

But there’s a flip side.

Because if you don’t know yourself,

“Choose yourself” becomes confusing.

It might mean:

• You pick a version of yourself based on who you're with.

• You let someone else choose you, because being wanted feels safer than being alone.

• You confuse convenience with compatibility, or performance with belonging.

• You think you’re choosing healing, but maybe you’re just avoiding the parts that need care.

  
  

That’s not self-love.

That’s survival.

And I get it.

I’ve lived both sides.

I’ve felt what happens when you shape-shift to belong.

I’ve felt the fog of trying to “choose” something that didn’t even feel like me.

That’s why I’m writing this.

Because before you can choose yourself —

you have to meet yourself.

Softly. Patiently. Honestly.

Even in the dark.

---

Start Here: 5 Questions to Help You Meet Yourself

If you’re not sure how to begin…

Start with questions that are hard to lie to.

You don’t need

polished answers.

Just enough silence to hear what’s been buried underneath.

1. When have I changed myself to stay close to someone — and what part of me went quiet in the process?

2. Why am I so desperate to fit in when my gut tugs at me as I act this way?

3. Who am I trying to protect by not being honest right now?

4. If no one else could see or judge me, what would I want?

5. When do I feel most like myself — and when do I disappear?

---

What's stuck with you?

I'd love to hear it — drop me a quick note.